Loveless Acts.

tell me.

2010-07-31T16:24:00.002+08:00

its v v v v v v v v v depressing.

and all i need is someone to tell that everything will be okay..

I have feelings, baby.

2010-03-11T00:05:00.002+08:00

I have feelings too.

I'm trying hard, to just make you whole again.
Sometimes, I wonder if you'll ask me if I'm alright ? How am I feeling ?

Do you even care what I feel ?
But nevertheless, I still continue to love you like how I always do.

Bbylove, I have feelings too. Sometime, its what you do that makes me feel sad.
I love you.

Take care.

2009-10-23T00:55:00.004+08:00

At the very moment, you need your time and space. I know I had to give way to your wants. After your last message, I feel empty and alone. I'm sure you had enough of me, and you said yourself. You wanted this year for us to be the best. I'm sorry because I just cannot do that anymore right ? The problem is not my problem alone, its yours too. You can't just runaway from it. I'm staying strong right here. I'll be waiting for your return. Must you do this ? I've told you countless of times, I hold responsibility of what's become of you. Even if you're not accepting this, just know that. I still will hold responsibility over you. Yes, I have sinned a lot behind your back. I'm sorry.

And I know, you're still a part of me. I know you feel like you can't hold on. Don't let the tension snap. Nevertheless, thanks for all you've done. Bye Leena.

Lets play with numbers

2009-10-22T18:31:00.003+08:00

Number for today is 3 and 5.

Why 3 and 5 ? Today is my 3 years and 5 months monthsary.

Its not always that I blew things up on this kind of date. But it happens that you always have to bottle up and keep things from me. Cause you know what's gonna happen. But you never thought, that I might have not been like how I used to. You still keep things from me, no matter the countless times I admit stuffs to you. Though I know it hurts. You say that you didn't react like me, but you get frustrated deep inside. If I have no time, why would I go to the library to read up on stuffs. I could have used that time to teach you maths. But no, I didn't get the privilege to do that. Instead he's just a friend and your mom pays to teach you. Am I no different, I'm not about the pay. I feel so pathetic.

You kept this from me...

3: the number of times we've broken our relationship.

the number of times I caught you with 3 guys who liked you at seperate ocassions.

the number of times I blew my top because of the situations you put me into.

when you rush at the eleventh minute, you walk with no dignity.

because of your rush, your desperate need for something tends to put me out of your head.

no matter how many times you tell me that I've never left your head.

you're just that kid who is just confused.

and I'm just that kid who cannot control the emotions.

when the truth surface, you stoned. you walk away. where is your responsibility, love ?

where is your crystal pride and dignity that you once had ?

5: the number of years we've been friends.

yet you cannot understand me.

I am very disappointed. Just keep on keeping stuffs away from me.

ps: happy 3 year 5 months

Fading Trust

2009-10-08T23:22:00.004+08:00

To my fellow hometown mates

Truth and Lies collide.

When trust seems to fade. Faceless and feeling busted up inside.

You've been searching and crying out what you aren't able to find.

Will you be destroyed by all your doubts ?

If your bonding is strong, you won't let them pull you or take you in.

While you were busy, haven't you noticed that you're being watched ?

The truth will become your fear.

From the truth, will you let the truth swallow up your life ?

Will you stay the same or will you stay and fight ?

Wrong or right, you guys don't need to hide.

I'm calling out to those who have doubts.

The fire burns dimly now. Never this low.

Will you let the fire burn stronger ?

If so spout all your doubts into it.

You decide.

Fated Circle

2009-10-07T01:03:00.003+08:00

Bonds are sometime strengthen or broken. It is yet up to every individual in the circle to decide on the bonds. Some chose to break the bond, and some is the opposite.

The past is what that moulds you. The past is what you should learn and prevent it from happening. That is why, they don't need you to reinvent the wheel but only to improve on it.

Accept it or not, take it or leave. You decide, because after all.. You'll be the one tasting it.

I've said this to some. ' my reality is mine alone, i choose how to walk it '

You have companions, friends etc for a reason. Think about it.

I've looked back on myself, disgusted sometimes. But if the decision I make is really gonna be harsh, be it.

I won't tell you what I'm thinking. Read up on this, tell me the Keywords I'm thinking off. Thank you.

Lone Wolf

2009-09-26T02:42:00.003+08:00

its funny how people try to joke on you when you're in deep thought.

have life not fuck your ass bad enough ?

reckless you are. empty promises you make. a big show off you are.

but nevertheless, don't worry. you're still my friend.

face it, that's the way i see you now.

a person labelled me a wolf. i thank you. you searched my backgrounds, you heard my tales.

for now, there's 3 people excluding my family that moulded me. That is Farah, Ismail & Kamsani.

i don't give a damn to who thinks about these.

my reality is mine alone.

Random thought

2009-09-21T04:56:00.002+08:00

I need to be away for the moment.

I missed moving around Singapore alone. Haha, this is not weird guys.

Haven't been to Hougang, Sengkang & Punggol area for about 2 years. Maybe I should explore sooner despite the hari raya fest.

Each day I learn new things. But I learn a lot from my cousins.

Bye.

08 raya

2009-09-20T03:39:00.003+08:00

This was sooo last year. Benji & I

Dan in blue, finally a malay ! haha

In black, damn so skinny. Come on, let me be thin again !

This is like the best shot for 08 uh geng !

So bored, so I decided to browse thru last year's album. So yeah, last year short hair.. Now longer hair :D damn I love my geng !!! This year will be so different, because some will be with their motorbikes. But nevertheless, trains' another best option ! Till then take care people. Selamat Hari Raya to all Muslims !

CRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYY

2009-09-19T00:05:00.003+08:00

This is for fun man. Simple Plan- Crazy(cover)

We ain't good yet. We're just learning.

Changed.

2009-09-07T01:25:00.003+08:00

Zai & Dean

Here's to my friend. A good friend, a close one too. The one who most changed before NS, and that guy is Dean.

To Dean, going to NS takes you to another path. I've seen you changed. When you first came into the TG picture, you were that any normal juvenile kid. But when I see you now, you're no longer that kid. You're a changed person. You learnt a lot from working with Nike didn't you ? You proved to others what you can acheive when you put your heart into it. You earned yourself a decent bike, earned yourself a living for that moment. I'm proud to be part of you.

I thought I'd never find a picture of you with me. Haha. You have the cool factor bro. Don't be sad just because you're going away, we'll be here slacking our ass off while you're gone. Well if you think you didn't come prepared, you're wrong. You have a different mindset now. I may not know about NS yet, but I've heard its fun. Go on, make a lot of friends.

Psst, I'm still proud to have a changed person slacking with me all this while. It feels good to be with someone you know who has changed. It really does, I'm sure our other bros feels the same way too. See you later dude, more pictures for you.

Take care

2009-09-06T14:13:00.002+08:00

Tired. Worn out. Gonna rest soon, I've got a friendly game tonight. Well I'm taking the game like a practice session, cause the team's not strong yet (: chill.

you have 2 round shape. 1 dot on both shape. uh, you're so soft, i'm so gonna play around with you. i'm gonna bite you hard. i love that thing so much, i'm gonna put it in between my dick (: i love you bolster & pillow !

hmm, what were thinking aye ?

see you guys after break fast.

2009-09-06T01:12:00.004+08:00

As planned, my fellow bros. Kam and Kai wanted to go out to get some clothes and t's. I tagged along, cause I really need to fill up my wardrobe cause most of shirts were being borrowed by my cousins -.-'' not getting them back ! Nevermind, those clothes were so last year.

So yeah, went out. We decided to go to Queenswat Shopping Centre to shop, but we ended up missing our stop. But nvm, we stopped at Far East Plaza. So, Kam decided to get his black jeans. And so did I. Finally a black jean to wear for presentation. I hate formal wears. So just get this shit. Moved around to find a place to eat. Ended up eating KFC cause the other stalls/shops are fully reserved by fellow muslims. So yeah, nvm.

I'll never regret today, cause why ? I get to spend my money off ! Bought around 3 designer t's and 2 polo t and a black jeans. Total spent was : $137.00 est. Hahaha ! I wanted to get Love a new t or something, but I don't wanna get her anything yet. I wanna bring her out and let her choose. Cause its the least I can do for taking her out. I'm camming with her now. She's so innocent and pure. Can't bear to break her apart once again.

I think I'm done, post on the pics soon. Nights

Love you.

Can't wait.

2009-09-05T02:28:00.000+08:00

Oh you know i know who did this *winks*

PUASA LA OI~!

2009-09-04T02:42:00.002+08:00

Nabei. Puasa la peepol. Hahahah !

Now no more school, like so boring. Now no more stress like damn boring. How ? Pantat laa.

I love the day I feel today. I just love it.

Bro L, stay strong. Don't let all the motherbitches know about your situation.

KNN, go puasa la. now like 3 days never puasa. Hahaha~ cb you zai. Eh eh, sorry random post. Damn bored uh !

Eh, muthafucka. I always wanted to say that. Hahaha !

2009-09-02T01:30:00.009+08:00

This post goes out to my bloods that have been with me for 13 years. I love them alot. They've been part of my life for so long. I love you Ismail & Kamsani. For your guys' love and concern. I'm not gay, just that I love them for being there for me.

To Ismail, I just wanna say a big Thank You to you. You've been there when shit happens. Through thick and thin, you'll always be my brother I look up for whenever I go. You have the warmest heart I ever get to know. Your heart so pure and funny, I just can't leave you alone. This picture I have for you is most memorable for me. Because its taken during my birthday. You were there to witness me grow a year older. You were there Mail. You're always there. No matter how down I feel, your sleek MJ moves never fail to put a smile on my face. Primary 1 to 6. Sec 1 to 5. And now in poly. You've watched me grow. You've been the biggest thing that have ever happened in me. Don't leave me, bro.

To Kamsani, you too have been the one watching me grow. You're always my brother no matter which direction I head to. Though your heart is warm in our brotherhood. Chilly attitude and cold words never fail to knock sense into me. You've never fail to teach me. You were there for me all the time during our O' levels. You always remind me of how strong we were in the past. You'll never fail to remind me of what I've lost whenever I lose my mood. You're just another brother I cannot lose. Thanks kam, you means alot to me. Your silly sarcastic acts never left my mind whenever I'm tired of doing my project works. You've always been my gauging meter ;D. Kam, 13 years together. Now in a band together. What's next kam ? Thanks bro. I love you just like I love Mail.

This picture. Taken during my brithday. I love you guys. We're always there for each other. Just like a puzzle, losing a piece of anyone of you will just make the picture incomplete. We always get together no matter the toughness we face. Be it mentally or physically, think back. Each one of us were there for each other. Sorry guys if I ever let you guys down. This is no significant move I'm gonna make, but its just for me to remember and for you guys to remember what we've done for each other. I now dedicate this song for you.

by Alter Bridge- Open Your Eyes

Looking back I clearly see,
What it is that's killing me.

Through the eyes of one I know,
I see a vision once let go,
I had it all.

Constantly it burdens me,
Hard to trust and can't believe.

Lost the faith and lost the love,
When the day is done.

Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one
On and on we stand alone
Until our day has come
When they open their eyes
And realize we are one

I love the way I feel today,
But how I know the sun will fade.
Darker days seem to be,
What will always live in me,
But still I run.

It's hard to walk this path alone,
Hard to know which way to go,
Will I ever save this day,
Will it ever change.

Will they open their eyes,
And realize we are one.
On and on we stand alone,
Until our day has come,
Will they open their eyes,
And realize we are one.

Still today we carry on,
I know our day will come,

When they open their eyes,
And realize we are one.
Will they open their eyes,
And realize we are one.

Doubted

2009-08-07T23:55:00.002+08:00

The last thing I ever want to get dishearted from you is getting doubted by you.

You effing doubted me about getting tired of your problems. Or is it just a cover line that you're tired of me ?

I feel bad already that I couldn't make my way down to your school. I wanted to spend time with you but then school. I feel so down.

What am I ? after 3 long years. 3 years.. Now you say I'm tired.

WOW ! then go on doubting everything I did for you. I'll play your game, Love.

In need.

2009-06-26T17:56:00.002+08:00

I need to be accompanied. Guess, I won't be having them anymore. Only God knows how I feel at this point of time. So pathetic, I can't even do anything to meet up with her. Maybe its me that's different, oh how I wish to be immune to emotions. You said "i don't want to touch the past." but nothing changed since that sentence. You remained silent, I should do too.

I know what I got that's why I'm not losing it again. But, it seems like I don't really matter to you. It seems to be fading and so is our communication. Sometimes, I'm angry at you. Why ? You refuse to take orders. I shan't elaborate it further. The way I look at things, it seems like you try so hard on fairness. You said you didn't want to touch the past, but when you put Fairness inside the matters. It appears that you're touching the past. Always pinning me down, putting me into silent. Sometimes, when I already put my ego aside, you're still retaining it. I'm just stating what I personally feel.

think i'll go to school now, ive got training. despite being sick atleast im doing something to keep me distracted from the current situation. till then, i hope you'd reply my messages.

2009-06-25T18:57:00.004+08:00

Sorry, but I just feel like putting up this lyric.

The lyrics are somehow very meaningful to me, it kinda reflects the shits I've been through.

When theres a rub

We can talk for a while

But I have sweet nothings to say

You don't want me anyway

So why?

Why should I stay?

So goodbye to you and your life

Your new best friends

Your confidence

And I'll be here when you get home

Sitting half way

Away from no where

Praying for our lips to touch

Holding myself,

For a second

Just to catch a smile

On this line.

Blur me in every aspect

2009-06-14T00:48:00.003+08:00

Right now, I don't know how to feel.

I just feel like staring into space. That'll be so emotionless.

How I wish to not react to anything. Just plainly emotionless.

Heartaches, why now ?

...I FEEL USED

2009-06-08T18:23:00.002+08:00

I'm old and worn out.

I feel used.

I'm no longer sweet. There's no thrill to me already.

I'm no longer soft.

Cause I ain't those sweettalkermotherfuckers .

He's soft and sweet

...just like me when you first know me

2009-06-07T15:55:00.002+08:00

Its better to be burnt away than to fade away.

3 years

2009-05-21T23:23:00.003+08:00

This post goes to my lovely girlfriend Leena.

Of all pictures we took together, I chose this because its like a memorable one to me. Its rare of us to spend our time at the beach together. The pictures here really means a lot to me. Okay love, its our 3 years of being together ! Cheers to that ! Ultimately, how can I throw away memories we had throughout these years. It has indeed became a part of me. I'm sorry for the unpleasant things that happened recently and in the past. I'm so grateful to have someone like you. Watching over me though we're miles apart. You make me, me (: I know we should be spending our time for this very moment but for some constraints, we have to celebrate it in the near future. I hope you understand what's happening here. 3 years have never been an easy ride for us. To me, our relationship is like a boat. You can't move the boat alone, you need another party. And that party is me (: I feel so grateful to you, countless of hugs and kisses. I yearn for it every time we meet up. I've learned so much from you. One of the things you thought me was patience. I'll never forget that one.

" Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Surely you can take some comfort
Knowing that you're mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
Let me be the one who never leaves
You all alone
I hold my breath and lose the feeling
That I'm on my own
Hold me too tight stay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
When I'm alone time goes so slow
I need you here with me
and how my mistakes have made
Your heart break
Still I need you here with me
Baby I'm here
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time " The Used- Smother Me

Love, I wanna wish you a very happy 3 years of being together and I'm still counting on it. I love you so much ! Stay by my side (: Love you truckloads ! Mmmwaahs ! Hugs and Kisses love.

Sincere

2009-05-16T15:02:00.002+08:00

Exhausted. I am but I never grow tired of you, Farah. I love you loads. I wish you're here with me. I wanna take loads of pictures with you. Sincere pictures cause I take you with my heart and so does the camera. Get well soon love. I love you truckloads (:

Idiots

2009-05-15T01:33:00.003+08:00

This one is for people who left their name as Guest. This one is especially for idiotic males shitholes who does know that my girlfriend is attached to me.

Guys, understand simple English. She's attached to me. Understand ? Don't be a coward just leave your name when you guys tag her or mine. Its irritating to not know someone who has tagged. Its irritating when you Guests' ask her some stupid shits. I'm tired of all your coward acts. Please tag with a name cause you're born with one.

Motherfcuking Idiots

Wednesday. My favourite day with DARCH

2009-05-06T22:20:00.006+08:00

No more Jailbird for the moment

2009-05-05T23:29:00.002+08:00

Finally, I'm done with documenting and modelling. Now, I'm only left with the sketches to make my description more clearer for my understanding. Yes, its abit stressful because you have to continuosly refine the models. I had to, maybe once or twice. I'm tired, still tired despite the late start for the sch. I feel free for the moment and luckily there's a class outing together :D. We're going sentosa to chill. It's not only the 01/02s but also the 03/04s and the 05/06 can you imagine those fun people. Sentosa = More backflips for me :D I'm so excited and at the same time I'm feeling very tired.

Till then.

Tired. Really really tired

2009-05-04T01:04:00.002+08:00

I'm tired. I feel so tired. Projects, I can cope with them but I really wanna make my portfolio nicer. Its all about timing eh ? There's lots to do in so little time here. I just wish that I can do better with my time management. Right now, I feel wasted. I've done lots for the portfolio and its just the first primer. I wonder how it'll go on as time passes by.

I'm tired. Really really tired. I hope I'm ready for everything.
Till then, I feel so tired. I'll post up the photos of my Primer 1 when I'm done with it. Cheers.

Refreshed, why is it still there ?

2009-04-23T13:27:00.003+08:00

Hello. I had a good night sleep yesterday. Actually I should still be sleeping right now, and its all because of Ashri and Giant. They woke me up because they wanted me to come to school and chill out. And now, I feel like going to school just to chill since there's nobody in the neighborhood to chill. Okay, I'm going to catch my bath.

Only God knows how I feel about the situation in school and at home.

Fresh start.

2009-04-21T20:17:00.002+08:00

testing..1.2.3